i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
