I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
