it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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