I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
