Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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