her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
