do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
