The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
