Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
