That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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