Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
