The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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