we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
