Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
