Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
