It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize