ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
