my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
