babies were throwing up all over the place
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
