btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
