it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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