last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize