did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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