I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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