I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
