You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
