so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
