I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
