I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
