I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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