When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
