i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
