Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
