onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
