it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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