You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
