just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
