Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
kristin has been a bad kristin
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
