Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
