i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
