Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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