im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
