His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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