Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
