I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
