6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
