i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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