I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
