Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
