1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
