final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
