yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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