alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
