we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
