Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
