Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
