I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
