he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Actions speak louder than pants.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
