at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
