She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize