I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
