I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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