Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize