I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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