I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize