in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
