Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
