I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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