Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
